My toddler is not sleeping through the night!
- Dr. Quynh Nguyen
- Feb 6, 2022
- 4 min read
Updated: Jun 27, 2022
From nightly tantrums to delaying tactics and excessive crying- will she ever sleep on her own?
As parents, we have all struggled with sleep routine, a little or a lot. It can be overwhelming when you hear different and mixed messages regarding sleep training for your child. Let's first get some facts.
Recommended Hours of Sleep for Age Groups
Newborn 0-3 months old 14-17
Infant 4-11 months old 12-15
Toddler 1-3 years 11-14
Preschool 10-13
School-Age 9-11
Are you reading this because your toddler never sleeps on her own or she was a great sleeper and now has regressed?
While many families around the world co-sleep with their children, and it is a cultural and social norm, this article is not for those parents. I want to talk to those reading this because you are exhausted trying to keep your toddler in her room.
Over the years, I have heard about much guilt and stress parents experience with the bedtime routine, how hard they work to have a routine and then lose it all to an illness or growth spurt, how they give in to the struggle and just let their child sleep in their bed by defeat and NOT by choice. I'm sure you have heard of the "Terrible Twos," a phrase that generally starts between 18 and 30 months of age. Your child has a personality now. She can call for you, hugs you on request, blow kisses and lots of defiant "no's," and throw tantrums like no others. While it's a normal developmental phase, it is an exhausting process.
Sleep experts agree that early sleep training is easier on the child and parents if the training starts early. If you have heard that other moms have a 6- or 9-month-old who sleeps great, it wasn't without effort. You CAN train your 18-month-old to be a great sleeper, but it will need some forethought and planning. The more you know about what is normal and expected, the more confidence you will have with sleep training and the work you are committed to doing.
As pediatricians, we need to know your experience and comfort level to help you with sleep training. Some parents are not comfortable with a fussy crying child. This will need to be discussed in detail. Your child's past health history or your anxiety and fears can contribute to your reluctance to sleep train.
Why would you want to sleep train?
"I don't believe in letting my child cry it out."
"I'm exhausted with the crying and her sneaking back into my room"
Good sleep is important. We know how vital it is to the developing brain and growth to have a good night's sleep. But what about you?? I think it's also VERY important to have your child in bed early and stay in bed, so you have time to take care of yourself, decompress after a long day of work, and get a good night's rest to have the energy and patience to do more of good parenting tomorrow! Speaking of a long day, how many of us still have a list of chores to do after the child is in bed? And don't forget our parenting partners. When do you have time to relax and bond with your significant other even if to binge-watch a favorite TV show together or to complain about your baby angel supposedly sleeping upstairs?
The First Few Things to Consider
Mindset is important. Believe that you can do it and your child is ready to be a good independent sleeper.
Sit down with your spouse and discuss and dissect your bedtime routine. What does it look like now? What do you want it to look like?
Talk to your pediatrician about your plan of sleep training. Address any medical concerns you might have about sleep.
Once you have your facts and are ready to commit- Talk to your sleep trainer or pediatrician about the STEPS of sleep train, which can vary in methods and length of time depending on what you have tried and your level of comfort.
Things to Discuss for Sleep Training Steps
Bedtime routine- the WHEN and WHAT. The best time to start the routine? What is the routine? Also, recognize the cues that your child can give you to make the training less challenging.
The Methods- Quickest vs Gentle method of sleep training. It is not about "crying it out"
A Parent's Mindset and Support along the way
Factors in Sleep Regression
Make it a priority to talk to your pediatrician at the very next Well Child Visit or in-person encounter.
A busy, rushed day at the pediatrician's office can turn this important concern into a last minute door-knob question that does not allow your doctor the time to address and guide you properly. Your child is unique, and so is your family's dynamic and schedule.
Talk to your pediatrician more in depth but remember to schedule the proper time to do so! (Doorknob question- a phenomenon where patients wait until the last moment of the visit to bring up an important concern- often with the doctor about to exit with a hand on the doorknob).
Comments